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Dude, get a job. Only a clueless, long-haired Brit would include blue jeans as part of evening dress. Geez, even G's sloped-forehead Florida trailer-park boys would wear a pair of wool slacks to escort their 300lb wives to Hardee's for a night on the town. -Will On Tue, 28 Sep 1999, Leigh Bishop wrote: > Doin' it Right (DIR) > How to rig your outfit the DIR way. > Remember its team work. > > Basics > Please note: It would be extremely irresponsible, dangerous, and foolish for > you to assemble and wear this rig without understanding exactly why you're > doing it and what each little detail means. > > Keep it simple > Too many people today seem under the impression that more is always better. > The basic principles of the DIR outfit are this: > > 1. Remove all unnecessary equipment - take all you need, but only what you > need. > 2. Each member of the team should be wearing an identical outfit. This makes > it easy to understand each other's equipment and in an emergency, kit can be > swapped or cross-patched. > > Lets look at each item starting from the top. > > Hair > Almost goes without saying that it should be kept short, no more than 1 inch > on top. For easy identification, it should be parted slightly to the left. > Other styles: > A French crop would appear to be a suitable alternative at first glance, it > presents a number of problems: > 1. A considerable increase in task loading as it requires visiting decent > hairdressers in the first place and regular maintenance after that. > 2. Usually requires some form of gel/mousse. The use of hair products is > strictly for strokes and only serves to increase drag and reduce efficiency. > Other Styles to Avoid: > Quiff - too much task loading due to the maintenance > Mullet - although popular in Holland and Germany, it really doesn't get any > more unfashionable than this. And anyway a haircut named after a fish? - I > ask you. > Curly mop - although it requires no real maintenance there is a distinct > likelihood of being mistaken for Sheck Exley, Rob Palmer or Bill Stone (the > horror of it). > Moustache - not strictly a hair cut, you may end up being mistaken for one > of the above. It can create an even worse scenario when combined with crop > hair - you just end up looking like one of the Village People. > > Glasses > Simple wire rimmed are essential, as they are light and unobtrusive. > Designer glasses are not acceptable because they are too individual and > therefore cannot be interchanged with another team member in an emergency. > > T-shirt > This is a key part of the outfit and whilst there are many t-shirts on the > market, the DIR shirt must have the following criteria: > White Egyptian cotton > Short sleeves - the correct length must be 5 inches - any longer and there > is a risk of entanglement, any shorter and there is a risk that they'll look > like those cap sleeve T-shirts that were worn in the 70s (thus precipitating > a major fashion incident). > T-shirt markings > The DIR logo on the front should be a discrete 2 inches as you will be > instantly recognisable anyway. Beware of large oversize type, as this is > dangerously 80s (e.g. Frankie Says Relax). > The back of the T-shirt should have a much larger logo (at least 12 inches) > with the words 'No Strokes' written on it. This will allow you to be clearly > seen by other team members who may be looking for you in a conference room > or busy pub. > > There is no excuse for incorrect T-shirt markings - although other agencies > recommend other sizes and colours it may lead to other team members failing > to recognise you. > Always analyse your T-shirt before wearing it. Picking up a T-shirt from the > drawer or the shop without properly checking it first could be dangerous. A > recent incident occurred when a Genesis Tour T-shirt was mistakenly bought > from a shop (the label hadn't been checked) in the belief that it was > actually a bonafide DIR T-shirt. > > Trousers > Levis regular 501's with the button fly. The key thing about these is that > they have the correct number of pockets and most significantly, exactly 5 > belt loops of 1 1/2 inch diameter. > There has been a trend away from jeans and towards combat trousers in the > belief that the extra pockets will come in useful. This is wrong. Its just a > fashion thing and creates an atmospheric trapping effect. > > Belt > Brown leather, 1 inch in width. These fit best into the 501's belt loops and > stay properly in place. Extras like studs should be avoided as they may > snag. > > Shoes > Timberland desert shoes. Colour: sand. Makes for easy identification of > other team members and allows > for interchangeability if you end up putting your foot in it and ending up > on your back-up shoe. Avoid boots as they create drag (especially in thigh > length patent leather) > > Shoelaces > Must not be cross threaded through the islets as they will make removal and > replacement difficult in the event of a major shoelace failure. > > Harness > Leather, rubber, studs - just say no. This is Doin' It Right! (not an S&M > convention - though lets face it, easy mistake to make) > But if you really want to know how to rig your harness, go to Wacko! > Brill words not mine. > > > -- > Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. > Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'. > -- Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
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