My brother sent this over to me, and I could think of no more appropriate place to put it than on this list. It is not my purpose here to generate a discussion over how "strokish" it is to use warm water in your wetsuit or to analyze this poor wretch's decompression program. It is simply here to add a little mirth to your day: > Next time you think you have had a bad day, think about this guy... > Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of > Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. > Below is an email he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and > won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one). > > Anyway...anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, > remember this guy. > > April 1998 > > > Hi Sue, > Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a > bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, > so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's > not so bad after all. > > Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a > few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom > of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of > year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We > have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of > shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. > It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped > to the air hose. > > Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times > with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start > working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This > floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi. > Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. > of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few > seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but > the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot > water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This > is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. > > Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so > the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as > fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually > grinding the jellyfish into my ass. > > I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His > instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other > divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I > was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling > 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my chamber dry > decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass > helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the > medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of > cream and told me to shove it" up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The > cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my > asshole was swollen shut. > > I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the > suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship. Anyway, the > next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how > much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your > ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope > this will make them more tolerable. > > Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon. > > Brian. > Ted Phelps -- Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
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