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T'was the night before a dive and all through the boat
Not a creature was stirring, not even a stroke;
The dry suits were hung by the handrails with care,
In hopes that daylight soon would be there;
The divers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of china danced in their heads;
And mamma at home, and I in my bunk,
Had just settled down for a long night that sucks,
When out on the deck there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bunk to see what was the matter.
Away to the deck I flew like a bird,
Tore open the hatch and stepped in a terd.
The moon on the boat had the new-fallen dew
Gave the glow of mid-day on objects to the crew ,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a drunk diver, and eight empty cans of beer,
He was a fat old diver, so drunk and sick,
I knew in a moment it was not St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his dry heaves they came,
And he spit, and gagged, and called them by name;
"Dam Bud! Miller! Heineken and Coors!
Michleob! Corona! Pabst Blue Ribbon and Old Milwaukee!
To the top of the Bridge! to the top of the mast!
He yelled Now go away! go away! and kiss my ass!"
As loud as the  night winds blew,
When he puked  an obstacle, that stuck like glue,
So up on a bench,did I fly
With the deck covered in puke, and then I punched that diver in the eye.
And then, in a snap, he tried to get up
The huffing and puffing from deep in his gut.
As I gave him a push as he was turning around,
Down on the deck that drunk came with a bound.
He was dressed in nothing, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all gone and it was not a good look;
A bundle of chicken wings he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a bum who forgot to wipe his crack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his ass how hairy!
His cheeks were like roses, but this was no cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up by his tongue,
And the beard of his chin was covered with some ones come;
The stump of a dick he held tight in his teeth,
I'm glad it won't me I'll send the poor guy a wreath;
He had a ugly face and a big round belly,
That shook, when he cursed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right sad old diver,
And I laughed when I saw him, he ain't no Lady Godiva;
A wink of his eye and a roll back of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his bunk,
And filled all the dive bags; with some puke junk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, slid it up his ass there it goes;
He sprang to his feet, on his buddies he pissed,
And away they all ran and will be missed.
Now we can thank him ,for that night that sucks.
"HAPPY Diving TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."



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