Mailing List Archive Mailing List Archive
Hello,
The story below comes from the Urban Legends mailing list
<http://www.snopes.com>
I searched the techdiver archives but found no mention of the word,
"jellyfish", so I trust this story hasn't been posted here before...
Paul
*******
April, 1998
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I
first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know
my
office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a
wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to
keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This
$20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden
hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good
plan,
and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I
get
to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down
the
back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like
working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a
few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back,
but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me.
The
hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit.
This is even worse than the poison ivy I once had under a cast. Now I
had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the
jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of
my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the
fact
that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless
to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water
stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.
I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and
gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told
me
to shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the
fire
out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen
shut.
I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the
suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me.
Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a
jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But
if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable.
Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.
--
Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'.
Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
Navigate by Author:
[Previous]
[Next]
[Author Search Index]
Navigate by Subject:
[Previous]
[Next]
[Subject Search Index]
[Send Reply] [Send Message with New Topic]
[Search Selection] [Mailing List Home] [Home]