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From: <Safreel@ao*.co*>
Date: Sat, 14 Feb 1998 09:09:12 EST
To: techdiver@aquanaut.com, cavers@ww*.ge*.co*
Subject: Missing People, the real story
Some of you might have noticed that cobb's trimix web page was shut down for a
while. I am privy to the story as to why. Apparently the Fat Forces of scuba
diving lead by the Fat Leader Himself found Zambecks Brain floating down a
tributary. After he scraped the zebra mussels off of it he hired a bunch of
rouge FBI forensic scientists to preserve it for his evil scheme.

Apparently at DEMA The Fat One lured George into a booth to look at a pre-
production nitrox computer. While he was engrossed with the "time to fly"
display, he was kidnapped and rushed off to the secret lab in Birmingham.
There his head was cut open and his brain replaced with the Zambeck brain. It
took a while for the brain to adjust to its new home, the "georgbeck" kept
missing his ass when he was wiping after a #2. But soon the evil plan started
to take place. The Fat One held up flash cards until almost 50% of the plot
was programmed into Georgbeck, which was about as good as it gets.

Georgbeck first command was to his minions. "Minions" he said "we first need
to smash this Cobb fellow like the worm that he is" "Yesssssssss Georrrrrrrge"
the minions intoned. "And you will all buy me a case of beer" "Yesssssss
Georrrrrrrge" the minions intoned. "And after that you will load all your
scooters into my truck" "Yesssssss Georrrrrrrge" they intoned. "And, And"
(Zambecks brain was on a roll now) "I want 4 whoopers, 3 large fries, 4 baked
pies and, and MORE BEER!" "YESSSSSS GEORRRRRRRGE" The minions raised their
arms in front of them and walked off into the night. "Say" said one minion
"George is acting a bit odd, don't you think?" There was complete silence as
the other minions slowly turned to the blasphemous minion. The minion's body
was never found.

Their first mission was to shut down the trimix web site. 4 drysuited minions
short circuited the main bell digital terminal using handfuls of convenient
hair grease. While 3 got a away scot free, one was apprehended because "he was
looking at the pretty sparks". 

While this was going on the rest of the team frantically emptied local 7-11's,
Quickymarts, Burger Kings, and Swanee Swifty stores of all beer, fruit pies
and whoppers because they interpreted the GeorgeBecks orders in their own
butt-kissing fashion.

"Say" thought Georgebeck as he surveyed his 150 cases of beer and mountains of
whoppers "this ain't a bad bunch o' boys, for a bunch of butt kissers, ain't
nobody kissen my butt befo" GeorgeBeck sniffed... He ordered his minions to
load the beer, whoppers and pies on top of the scooters and other gear he was
going to "rebuild".

Meanwhile, back at the lab, Georges brain was doing laps in a giant beaker of
DMSO solution. The Fat One watched in amazement as the brain would do 50 laps,
jump out of the beaker, do 150 reps and then jump back into the beaker for
another 50 laps. Shaking his huge fat head, The Fat One started smoking
doobies of some fine gold, doing a few lines and numerous shots of mescal in
celebration of the disappearance of the Trimix site and the now scooterless
divers. The Fat One partied so hard, he slipped on a pile of discarded lemon
slices and flew into the shelf holding the beaker, the beaker landed on his
head and smashed his skull open. The George brain immediately wrestled the Fat
ON's brain out of the skull and purloined the huge fat body. The hidious
"Gillirvine" creature had problems adjusting at first, Georges body kept
underestimating it's bulk and crashed into tables, lamps and door jambs trying
to make out of the building and back to his body. The gilllirvine then poised
as a "death leopard" groupie which was heading south for a show in
Tallahassee.

Back at wukulla, georgebeck was enjoying himself. He declared a new exercise
regimen for the minions consisting of right hand curls and ring kissing.
Fights were breaking out over who could kiss the georgbeck's ring first, and
it only got worse as the beer cans started piling up....

to be continued....  next: The Titanic Battle 
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