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did anybody make it through this? At 10:49 PM 10/31/97 +0000, Brown, Christopher wrote: >Never have I gotten so many laffs as I did from the recent unctuous umbrage >and spates of spittle concerning the sophisticated sensibilities of our >fellow list-readers -- and all the bleating about their ever-so-high >personal ethical standards regarding the role of journalism in today's >society. > >I was still chuckling to myself as I slipped on my Winnie-the-Pooh bedroom >slippers and shuffled up Scarp and out to the mailbox, to see what my Rural >Route Carrier and Gun Club Member had brought me today. > >There among the Christmas catalogs and soft headed money solicitations I >found a few new periodicals which I, with free will and an open mind, have >purchased, and a few others which I have not, but show up from time to time >anyway. > >I was flipping thru the new issue of JFK Jr.'s magazine "George" (ironic, >huh?) and, lo and behold, what do I find but an article about the Worst and >Best-Dressed in DC! No kidding! Suddenly I am in-sensed! How dare these >"journalists" criticize the attire of the leadership in our nation's >capital? I couldn't believe it! What gives these magazine guys the right to >use their magazine to write their opinions about the way our country's >policy-makers shop for threads? So mad was I that I quickly changed into my >pointy-toed, bond-trader's alligator skin Gucci flip-flops (with tassle) >and hit the floor looking for a cat to kick -- but she got away, lucky her. > > >Disgusted, I continued sifting the pile and pulled out the "Congressional >Quarterly", confidant that at least here I'd find some probing, perceptive, >political points to ponder -- that I agree with. And guess what? Only >*half* of what I read was palatable! That's right! And here I am *paying* >for the damned thing on my 10W-40 form -- yet have to read drivel not of my >own making! Some of those people up there in Warshingtun just don't see >things *correctly* -- the way I do! Was I ever pissed! I immediately >realized that at least half the people in our government keep trying to >change it -- and ought to be shipped to some other country if they don't >like it here. By the non-union, non-striking, multi-national overseas >carrier of their choice! I wasn't about to examine ideas that I don't >already agree with! What, do they take me for a fool? So I put this putrid >publication next to the commode where I could get some use out of it later, >while voting with my heart. > >Next I discovered the new issue of "Real Goods", and along with blurbs >about solar-powered wrist watches, it was chock full of bits about >phosphate-free douches, hemp kitty litter, adobe out-houses, recycled >bidets, and environmentally friendly wart eradicators. What's *that* got to >do with *saving energy*? There was NOT ONE PARAGRAPH TOUTING THE BENEFITS >OF FOSSIL FUELS! How biased and myopic can you get? What about fair play? >What about the other side of the coin of the realm? These publishers ought >to be tarred and feathered! And sued!! I threw the damned thing underneath >the oil pan of my 1968 Opel where it could do some good, sopping up the >leaking lifeblood of our country. > >With a brow deeply furrowed I sought some solace from the world's problems, >and decided to stroll the fields outside. For some perspective, I figured >it might be useful to walk a mile in another pair of shoes, so I slipped >into my tractor-soled boots, dug up my copy of International Harvester's >"Plow, Plant, and Pluck" and went for a walk on the lower forty. As I >strolled the fence line and leafed the pages, looking for a seed of an >idea, it hit me like a ton of alfalfa. All the photos showed IH machines!! >There wasn't a single thing in there about Caterpillar or John Deere. The >experience was harrowing, to say the least. I was getting a slant towards >nothing but row after row of the publisher's OWN PRODUCTS! Yes, you read it >here! Is that *fair*, I ask you? In shock I said to myself "Well, I'll reap >what they sow!" And, planting both feet firmly, tossed the damned thing in >the compost pile. > >By this time I was back at the bunkhouse, so absorbed that I forgot to >change my shoes and, needing a good dose of liberal-chic, left-wing >lip-service couched in big words, I grabbed the latest "New Yorker" from >the mail pile, eagerly anticipating elegant linquistic limning about art, >movies, literature, style, politics, sociology, science, business, and all >kinds of surprisingly weird stuff. Say, what is this magazine supposed to >be "about" anyway? One writer quoted the Immortal Bard *out of context*!! >Outrage! Unleash the lawyers! If you're going to use the guy's words, print >the whole play -- or you'll sorely strain the quality of my mercy, if you >know what I mean, and I'm sure that you do! (For the software types, that >last reference was from "The Merchant of Venus", a very funny yarn about a >cross-dressing, femi-nazi attorney and a debit card; originally produced >down in SoHo by Larry Flint). And on another page there was an ad for a >book of poems (yuck!) by one of the magazines' own writers! Impure! >Mercenary! Unbelievably unethical! Next to that was a condemning review of >a blast-and-blood babe flick that I liked. How *dare* they? If they didn't >like "Squibs In Heat", they didn't have to go see it! What gives some >Village Vamp the right to say "It sucked, thematically speaking" when I >knew that millions of dollars had been spent, not on content admittedly, >but to make millions more? What better "theme" is there? Justice, where is >thy thing? > >At this point, only some tunes would calm me down so I exchanged one set >of Pooh-Pieds for another and reached for one of my fave pre-dive CDs. >What's the world of publishing coming to, I mused. Here were magazines >slanted, tainted, opinionated, personality-poisoned, politically polarized, >aggressively commercial, one-sided and not-too-balanced, and mired in the >human condition. > >How did it get this way -- or was it always this way? Why doesn't >publishing on paper have the same purity and serene integrity as the >internet and its ever-so-highly principled denizens? > >I might never sort all this out -- there's nobody to tell me what I should >think. > >And there's still another question about "The Truth" that's nagging me: the >wild rumor going around, started who-knows-where, that the entire Fear and >Loathing piece was ghost-written by george himself -- to attract even more >attention to himself -- and done in exchange for the resort-style >instructor certification that he wanted so badly -- and got -- not so long >ago. > >As the virtual needle slipped and scanned along the cyber-grooves of the >silvered disc and the voices of Marley and the Wailers pulsed into the >room, I received at least a partial answer. > >'Tis Bobby-lon, mon. > > > > > >Christopher A. Brown >The Technical Diving Video Library deepedge.com/TechVid >Phone (US & Can.):606-272-0255; Fax:606-272-7279 > >Life is short -- this is not a rehearsal. > > > >-- >Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. >Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'. > -- Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
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