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This has nothing to do with SCUBA, or techdive, but as most of us deal with computers in one way or another, I thought I would share it. >_____________________________________________________________________ > >"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript. > >Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at > finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been > able to access their command pathways?" >Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching > through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing > technology." > >Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. > >Riker looks puzzled: > "What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?" > >Data turns to answer: > "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason > called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside > their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources > at an unstoppable rate." > >Picard: > "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their > processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" > >Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new > version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources > increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be > able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing > ability will be taken over and none will be available for their > normal operational functions." > >Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable > geometric shape' idea." > > >Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the > command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all > resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the > expected 'upgrade'." > >Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU > capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an > 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase." > >Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is > something we missed." > >Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the > 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of > the plan by not sending in their registration cards. > >Riker: "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin > emergency escape sequence 3F ..." > >Geordi, excited: > "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly > dropped to 0%!" > >Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?" > >Data: "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module > named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." > >Picard:"Lets wait and see how long this 'Solitaire' can reduce their > functionality." > > >Riker: "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?" > >Geordi:"As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate > for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they > successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep > space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from > something called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'. > >Picard: "How much time will that buy us?" > >Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest > time span of 6 more hours." > >Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." > >Picard: "Identify." > >Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' > logo!" > >Over the speakers: > "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. > WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS > SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU > HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY." > >Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and > released thousands of humanoid shaped objects." > >Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!" > >Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward > the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they > survive deep space?!" > >Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look > closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something > recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather > briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!" > >Riker and Picard together horrified: > "Lawyers!!" > >Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling > into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." > >Data: "True, but apparently some must have survived." > >Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with > pieces of paper." > >Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' -- > it often proves fatal." > >Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!" > >Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the > Borg deserve that." > ------------------------------------------------------- 08/25/94, 16:16:29 PST scot@bt*.co* Scot Anderson pp000082@in*.co* Voice: 703/761/6536 CIS:74147.2357 Fax: 703/556/9290 "Is he back from that dive trip yet?"
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