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In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:

Limbaughium  Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very
white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements
that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts
only
morons.

Billclintium  Bc
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a
series of interesting changes when in hot water.

Canadium  Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often
called Boron.

Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess
magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.

Quaylium  Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.

Budweisium  Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.

Cabmium  Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in
motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter
what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is
variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for
calculating it.

Politicium  Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
lethal concentrations in the House.

Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.

Snot  Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy.
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