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>The 2001 Darwin Awards >It's that time again! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the >remains of) those individuals who, through single-minded self-sacrifice, >have done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. > >5th RUNNER-UP >Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at >the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. >The >22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. >The >accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said. >Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley >and undone some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike >Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to >protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads >to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since >been investigated and determined the tower he hit was one with its pad >removed. > >4th RUNNER-UP >Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St. >Louis >market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot >dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found >him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch >wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death. > >3rd RUNNER-UP >Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him >on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him. > >2nd RUNNER-UP >"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related >to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to >replace the fuse in his pickup truck), popped a blasting cap into his mouth >and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and >tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank >during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had >it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It >wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put >it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and >tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday >with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston >Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like >that," Payne said. > >1st RUNNER-UP >Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the >skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon >from >the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an >initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men anonymous (probably >known >now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend >tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' >right >eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major >blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. >Neurosurgeon Johnny Delashaw at the university Hospital in Portland said >the >arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the >rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. >Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own >he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he >and >his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb >about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district >attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. > >Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER >(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the >great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at >the George Washington amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but having had 18 >beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine >foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to >the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier >than >Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. >Unfortunately >for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of >the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a >tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a >large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a >broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring >the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded >to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. >Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE >body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch >penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife >penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain >and agony, threw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the >pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, >he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing on his >friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its >driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive >internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, >half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in >his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air. >Congratulations, gentlemen: You win! > -- Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
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