> Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana
> and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
> email he sent to his sister. Anytime you think you  have had a bad day at
> the office, remember this letter......True story. 
> April 1998 
> Hi Sue, 
> Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had  a
> bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
> must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office
> lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a
> wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.  So what we do to keep
> warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This
> $20,000 piece of crap sucks the  water out of the sea. It heats it to a
> delightful temp.  It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose
> which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
> I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to
> the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the
> back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like
> working in a Jacuzzi. Everything is going well until all of a sudden, my
> butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things
> worse.  Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose
> out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had
> happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it
> into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a
> cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back,
> so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My butt crack was not as
> fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
> grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my
> dilemma over  the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact
> that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to
> say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water
> decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface
> for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface earing nothing but
> my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell.  hen I got on
> board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a
> tube of cream and told me to shove it up my butt when I got into the
> chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't crap for two days
> because my rectum was swollen shut.   later found out that this could
> easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward
> side of the ship.  Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office,
> think of me.   Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to
> shove a jellyfish up your butt. I hope you have no bad days at the
> office., but if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.    Take
> care, and I hope to hear from you soon. 
> 
--
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