Mailing List Archive Mailing List Archive
Oooooo, I'll never tell! On 11/3/97 2:47 AM Chuck Noe wrote: >Hey Jim, > >Who ended up getting the date with Thornton, you or billyw? Was he as >cute as his description? ;-) > > >Jim Cobb wrote: >> >> The diagnosis so far: >> >> Brett Gilliam...........Padded Room Loonie Tunes Paranoid >> Fred Garth..............Borderline Schizo (chemically treatable) >> Chris Brown.............Straitjacket w/drool bib (lobotomy ineffectual) >> Monte Lee Thornton......Halfway house >> >> You guys need to quit posting on these lists. You're beginning to scare >> the general population. >> >> Jim >> >> At 10:49 PM 10/31/97 +0000, Brown, Christopher wrote: >> > >Never have I gotten so many laffs as I did from the recent unctuous >umbrage >> > >and spates of spittle concerning the sophisticated sensibilities of our >> > >fellow list-readers -- and all the bleating about their ever-so-high >> > >personal ethical standards regarding the role of journalism in today's >> > >society. >> > > >> > >I was still chuckling to myself as I slipped on my Winnie-the-Pooh bedroom >> > >slippers and shuffled up Scarp and out to the mailbox, to see what my >Rural >> > >Route Carrier and Gun Club Member had brought me today. >> > > >> > >There among the Christmas catalogs and soft headed money solicitations I >> > >found a few new periodicals which I, with free will and an open mind, have >> > >purchased, and a few others which I have not, but show up from time to >time >> > >anyway. >> > > >> > >I was flipping thru the new issue of JFK Jr.'s magazine "George" (ironic, >> > >huh?) and, lo and behold, what do I find but an article about the Worst >and >> > >Best-Dressed in DC! No kidding! Suddenly I am in-sensed! How dare these >> > >"journalists" criticize the attire of the leadership in our nation's >> > >capital? I couldn't believe it! What gives these magazine guys the right >to >> > >use their magazine to write their opinions about the way our country's >> > >policy-makers shop for threads? So mad was I that I quickly changed into >my >> > >pointy-toed, bond-trader's alligator skin Gucci flip-flops (with tassle) >> > >and hit the floor looking for a cat to kick -- but she got away, lucky >her. >> > > >> > > >> > >Disgusted, I continued sifting the pile and pulled out the "Congressional >> > >Quarterly", confidant that at least here I'd find some probing, >perceptive, >> > >political points to ponder -- that I agree with. And guess what? Only >> > >*half* of what I read was palatable! That's right! And here I am *paying* >> > >for the damned thing on my 10W-40 form -- yet have to read drivel not of >my >> > >own making! Some of those people up there in Warshingtun just don't see >> > >things *correctly* -- the way I do! Was I ever pissed! I immediately >> > >realized that at least half the people in our government keep trying to >> > >change it -- and ought to be shipped to some other country if they don't >> > >like it here. By the non-union, non-striking, multi-national overseas >> > >carrier of their choice! I wasn't about to examine ideas that I don't >> > >already agree with! What, do they take me for a fool? So I put this putrid >> > >publication next to the commode where I could get some use out of it >later, >> > >while voting with my heart. >> > > >> > >Next I discovered the new issue of "Real Goods", and along with blurbs >> > >about solar-powered wrist watches, it was chock full of bits about >> > >phosphate-free douches, hemp kitty litter, adobe out-houses, recycled >> > >bidets, and environmentally friendly wart eradicators. What's *that* got >to >> > >do with *saving energy*? There was NOT ONE PARAGRAPH TOUTING THE BENEFITS >> > >OF FOSSIL FUELS! How biased and myopic can you get? What about fair play? >> > >What about the other side of the coin of the realm? These publishers ought >> > >to be tarred and feathered! And sued!! I threw the damned thing underneath >> > >the oil pan of my 1968 Opel where it could do some good, sopping up the >> > >leaking lifeblood of our country. >> > > >> > >With a brow deeply furrowed I sought some solace from the world's >problems, >> > >and decided to stroll the fields outside. For some perspective, I figured >> > >it might be useful to walk a mile in another pair of shoes, so I slipped >> > >into my tractor-soled boots, dug up my copy of International Harvester's >> > >"Plow, Plant, and Pluck" and went for a walk on the lower forty. As I >> > >strolled the fence line and leafed the pages, looking for a seed of an >> > >idea, it hit me like a ton of alfalfa. All the photos showed IH machines!! >> > >There wasn't a single thing in there about Caterpillar or John Deere. The >> > >experience was harrowing, to say the least. I was getting a slant towards >> > >nothing but row after row of the publisher's OWN PRODUCTS! Yes, you read >it >> > >here! Is that *fair*, I ask you? In shock I said to myself "Well, I'll >reap >> > >what they sow!" And, planting both feet firmly, tossed the damned thing in >> > >the compost pile. >> > > >> > >By this time I was back at the bunkhouse, so absorbed that I forgot to >> > >change my shoes and, needing a good dose of liberal-chic, left-wing >> > >lip-service couched in big words, I grabbed the latest "New Yorker" from >> > >the mail pile, eagerly anticipating elegant linquistic limning about art, >> > >movies, literature, style, politics, sociology, science, business, and all >> > >kinds of surprisingly weird stuff. Say, what is this magazine supposed to >> > >be "about" anyway? One writer quoted the Immortal Bard *out of context*!! >> > >Outrage! Unleash the lawyers! If you're going to use the guy's words, >print >> > >the whole play -- or you'll sorely strain the quality of my mercy, if you >> > >know what I mean, and I'm sure that you do! (For the software types, that >> > >last reference was from "The Merchant of Venus", a very funny yarn about a >> > >cross-dressing, femi-nazi attorney and a debit card; originally produced >> > >down in SoHo by Larry Flint). And on another page there was an ad for a >> > >book of poems (yuck!) by one of the magazines' own writers! Impure! >> > >Mercenary! Unbelievably unethical! Next to that was a condemning review of >> > >a blast-and-blood babe flick that I liked. How *dare* they? If they didn't >> > >like "Squibs In Heat", they didn't have to go see it! What gives some >> > >Village Vamp the right to say "It sucked, thematically speaking" when I >> > >knew that millions of dollars had been spent, not on content admittedly, >> > >but to make millions more? What better "theme" is there? Justice, where is >> > >thy thing? >> > > >> > >At this point, only some tunes would calm me down so I exchanged one set >> > >of Pooh-Pieds for another and reached for one of my fave pre-dive CDs. >> > >What's the world of publishing coming to, I mused. Here were magazines >> > >slanted, tainted, opinionated, personality-poisoned, politically >polarized, >> > >aggressively commercial, one-sided and not-too-balanced, and mired in the >> > >human condition. >> > > >> > >How did it get this way -- or was it always this way? Why doesn't >> > >publishing on paper have the same purity and serene integrity as the >> > >internet and its ever-so-highly principled denizens? >> > > >> > >I might never sort all this out -- there's nobody to tell me what I should >> > >think. >> > > >> > >And there's still another question about "The Truth" that's nagging me: >the >> > >wild rumor going around, started who-knows-where, that the entire Fear and >> > >Loathing piece was ghost-written by george himself -- to attract even more >> > >attention to himself -- and done in exchange for the resort-style >> > >instructor certification that he wanted so badly -- and got -- not so long >> > >ago. >> > > >> > >As the virtual needle slipped and scanned along the cyber-grooves of the >> > >silvered disc and the voices of Marley and the Wailers pulsed into the >> > >room, I received at least a partial answer. >> > > >> > >'Tis Bobby-lon, mon. >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > >Christopher A. Brown >> > >The Technical Diving Video Library deepedge.com/TechVid >> > >Phone (US & Can.):606-272-0255; Fax:606-272-7279 >> > > >> > >Life is short -- this is not a rehearsal. > -- Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'. Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
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