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Date: Sat, 01 Nov 1997 11:08:22 -0800
From: Chuck Noe <gulftex@sp*.co*>
Organization: C.N. Sales / Gulftex Scuba
To: Jesse Armantrout <armantrout@wo*.at*.ne*>
CC: "Brown, Christopher" <techvid@ne*.co*>, cavers@ge*.co*,
     techdiver@aquanaut.com, fredg@sc*.co*
Subject: Re: warning: contains opinions
It appears that our "aspiring film producer" is an "aspiring writer" as 
well. Hope he has a "day job".

Chuck

Jesse Armantrout wrote:
> 
> did anybody make it through this?
> 
> At 10:49 PM 10/31/97 +0000, Brown, Christopher wrote:
> >Never have I gotten so many laffs as I did from the recent unctuous umbrage
> >and spates of spittle concerning the sophisticated sensibilities of our
> >fellow list-readers -- and all the bleating about their ever-so-high
> >personal ethical standards regarding the role of journalism in today's
> >society.
> >
> >I was still chuckling to myself as I slipped on my Winnie-the-Pooh bedroom
> >slippers and shuffled up Scarp and out to the mailbox, to see what my Rural
> >Route Carrier and Gun Club Member had brought me today.
> >
> >There among the Christmas catalogs and soft headed money solicitations I
> >found a few new periodicals which I, with free will and an open mind, have
> >purchased, and a few others which I have not, but show up from time to time
> >anyway.
> >
> >I was flipping thru the new issue of JFK Jr.'s magazine "George" (ironic,
> >huh?) and, lo and behold, what do I find but an article about the Worst and
> >Best-Dressed in DC! No kidding! Suddenly I am in-sensed! How dare these
> >"journalists" criticize the attire of the leadership in our nation's
> >capital? I couldn't believe it! What gives these magazine guys the right to
> >use their magazine to write their opinions about the way our country's
> >policy-makers shop for threads? So mad was I that I quickly changed into my
> >pointy-toed, bond-trader's alligator skin Gucci flip-flops (with tassle)
> >and hit the floor looking for a cat to kick -- but she got away, lucky her.
> >
> >
> >Disgusted, I continued sifting the pile and pulled out the "Congressional
> >Quarterly", confidant that at least here I'd find some probing, perceptive,
> >political points to ponder -- that I agree with. And guess what? Only
> >*half* of what I read was palatable! That's right! And here I am *paying*
> >for the damned thing on my 10W-40 form -- yet have to read drivel not of my
> >own making! Some of those people up there in Warshingtun just don't see
> >things *correctly* -- the way I do! Was I ever pissed! I immediately
> >realized that at least half the people in our government keep trying to
> >change it -- and ought to be shipped to some other country if they don't
> >like it here. By the non-union, non-striking, multi-national overseas
> >carrier of their choice! I wasn't about to examine ideas that I don't
> >already agree with! What, do they take me for a fool? So I put this putrid
> >publication next to the commode where I could get some use out of it later,
> >while voting with my heart.
> >
> >Next I discovered the new issue of "Real Goods", and along with blurbs
> >about solar-powered wrist watches, it was chock full of bits about
> >phosphate-free douches, hemp kitty litter, adobe out-houses, recycled
> >bidets, and environmentally friendly wart eradicators. What's *that* got to
> >do with *saving energy*? There was NOT ONE PARAGRAPH TOUTING THE BENEFITS
> >OF FOSSIL FUELS! How biased and myopic can you get? What about fair play?
> >What about the other side of the coin of the realm? These publishers ought
> >to be tarred and feathered! And sued!! I threw the damned thing underneath
> >the oil pan of my 1968 Opel where it could do some good, sopping up the
> >leaking lifeblood of our country.
> >
> >With a brow deeply furrowed I sought some solace from the world's problems,
> >and decided to stroll the fields outside. For some perspective, I figured
> >it might be useful to walk a mile in another pair of shoes, so I slipped
> >into my tractor-soled boots, dug up my copy of International Harvester's
> >"Plow, Plant, and Pluck" and went for a walk on the lower forty. As I
> >strolled the fence line and leafed the pages, looking for a seed of an
> >idea, it hit me like a ton of alfalfa. All the photos showed IH machines!!
> >There wasn't a single thing in there about Caterpillar or John Deere. The
> >experience was harrowing, to say the least. I was getting a slant towards
> >nothing but row after row of the publisher's OWN PRODUCTS! Yes, you read it
> >here! Is that *fair*, I ask you? In shock I said to myself "Well, I'll reap
> >what they sow!" And, planting both feet firmly, tossed the damned thing in
> >the compost pile.
> >
> >By this time I was back at the bunkhouse, so absorbed that I forgot to
> >change my shoes and, needing a good dose of liberal-chic, left-wing
> >lip-service couched in big words, I grabbed the latest "New Yorker" from
> >the mail pile, eagerly anticipating elegant linquistic limning about art,
> >movies, literature, style, politics, sociology, science, business, and all
> >kinds of surprisingly weird stuff. Say, what is this magazine supposed to
> >be "about" anyway? One writer quoted the Immortal Bard *out of context*!!
> >Outrage! Unleash the lawyers! If you're going to use the guy's words, print
> >the whole play -- or you'll sorely strain the quality of my mercy, if you
> >know what I mean, and I'm sure that you do! (For the software types, that
> >last reference was from "The Merchant of Venus", a very funny yarn about a
> >cross-dressing, femi-nazi attorney and a debit card; originally produced
> >down in SoHo by Larry Flint). And on another page there was an ad for a
> >book of poems (yuck!) by one of the magazines' own writers! Impure!
> >Mercenary! Unbelievably unethical! Next to that was a condemning review of
> >a blast-and-blood babe flick that I liked. How *dare* they? If they didn't
> >like "Squibs In Heat", they didn't have to go see it! What gives some
> >Village Vamp the right to say "It sucked, thematically speaking" when I
> >knew that millions of dollars had been spent, not on content admittedly,
> >but to make millions more? What better "theme" is there? Justice, where is
> >thy thing?
> >
> >At this  point, only some tunes would calm me down so I exchanged one set
> >of Pooh-Pieds for another and reached for one of my fave pre-dive CDs.
> >What's the world of publishing coming to, I mused. Here were magazines
> >slanted, tainted, opinionated, personality-poisoned, politically polarized,
> >aggressively commercial, one-sided and not-too-balanced, and mired in the
> >human condition.
> >
> >How did it get this way -- or was it always this way? Why doesn't
> >publishing on paper have the same purity and serene integrity as the
> >internet and its ever-so-highly principled denizens?
> >
> >I might never sort all this out -- there's nobody to tell me what I should
> >think.
> >
> >And there's still another question about "The Truth" that's nagging me: the
> >wild rumor going around, started who-knows-where, that the entire Fear and
> >Loathing piece was ghost-written by george himself -- to attract even more
> >attention to himself -- and done in exchange for the resort-style
> >instructor certification that he wanted so badly -- and got -- not so long
> >ago.
> >
> >As the virtual needle slipped and scanned along the cyber-grooves of the
> >silvered disc and the voices of Marley and the Wailers pulsed into the
> >room, I received at least a partial answer.
> >
> >'Tis Bobby-lon, mon.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Christopher A. Brown
> >The Technical Diving Video Library     deepedge.com/TechVid
> >Phone (US & Can.):606-272-0255; Fax:606-272-7279
> >
> >Life is short -- this is not a rehearsal.
> >
> >
> >
> >--
> >Send mail for the `techdiver' mailing list to `techdiver@aquanaut.com'.
> >Send subscribe/unsubscribe requests to `techdiver-request@aquanaut.com'.
> >
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