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Subject:RE>>glossery (Glossary)
The following terms / definitions did the rounds of one of the UK boards about
a year ago - Forgot who originally posted it
A-Clamp: A-device that stops you driving a-car away
Air Shares: The investments you will be able to buy when the
government privatises the atmosphere
Backward Roll: Sandwich with the filling on the outside and the bread
in the middle
Boat Cover: Tarpaulin for the RIB
Bottom Timer: A device for measuring how bad the habdabs have got on
your Egyptian diving holiday.
Buddy Checks: How your diving partner pays you for the petrol
Buddy Line: "If you knew Peggy Sue then you'd know why I feel blue"
Buoyant Lift: An elevator that feels really upbeat about life
Club Diver: What you do to your buddy if he finds the porthole
first
Constant Volume Law: If your neighbours are under 21, their Hi-fi will
always be played at maximum sound level'
Decompression: De ting dat give you de hurtin' ears
DIN Fitting: The noise inflicted while a tailored kitchen is being
installed
Distress Flare: A knack for being upset
Dive Supervisor: The bouncer at a sleazy disco
Dump Valve: Loo cistern ballcock
Embolism: The adjective used to describe the ethos and
characteristics of Embols
Foot Fins: Very, very short people from Eastern Scandinavia
Free Ascent: Slogan of the movement to liberate a perfume
Groundswell: Minced toff
High Pressure Port: Fortified wine being sold by someone on a large
commission
Hyperventilation: Leaving the window wide open on a windy day
Lifting Bag: A shop-thief's haul
Macro Photography: Taking snaps of the local trade discount store
Mask Clearance: Diver's eye-protection-equipment sale
Mini Cylinder: One of the four combustion chambers of a small-car's
engine
Narco-sis: Irritable female sibling
Neck Entry: Dracula's preferred dining method
Neutral Buoyancy: Buoyancy that refuses to take sides in a war
Oral Inflation: The spiralling price of a blow job
Pony Bottle: Bravery in a small horse
Pool Training: Learning how to screw back into balk off the five spot
Pot Dive: Tatty establishment where people smoke marijuana
Reciprocal Bearing: A device for helping reciprocals rotate on a shaft
Self Donning: Characteristic of senior university academics who get
there without being nominated.
Semi Dry Suit, Dry Suit, Wet Suit
- Semi-dry suit: the one that feels fairly dry because
you expect it to feel a lot wetter than it
ever gets.
- Dry suit: the one that feels wet because it normally
leaks and you sweat a lot.
- Wet suit: the one that feels bone dry because nobody
in their right mind would use one any more.
Short Fill: Nickname for a vertically challenged person called
Phillip
Shot Line: Useless BT connection
Silicone Seals: Marine mammals with surgical implants
Stride Entry: An Australian getting into trousers
Suit Squeeze: The effect you feel when dressing for work after the
Christmas blow outs
Surface Marker Buoy:Young male graffiti artist
Mail Address : graeme_davison@ne*.co*
BSAC : IANTD : NSS-CD
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